Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
