with your own penis?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
where am i from again
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
