My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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