when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
