Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
