i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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