I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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