I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
