cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
