I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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