I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
