Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
