you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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