Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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