ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
