Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Let's get the cat blown out
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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