just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
