thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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