we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
