He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
