wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
