You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
