this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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