I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
