John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
