I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
