is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
