I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
