i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
