"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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