Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
