you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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