You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
