i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
