Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
