census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
