He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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