Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
