absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
