Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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