You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
