Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
