He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
