Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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