I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
