How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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