a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
