But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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