you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
