She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
