I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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