My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
