your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
