VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
